The Face That Saw Me

A Reflection on Love, Presence, and Being Truly Known

My Aunt ~ still watching the world with wonder.

There are some people in life whose love wraps around you like a blanket ~ warm, steady, unquestioning. For me, that person was my aunt.

Visiting her last week stirred something deep in me. She’s in the late stages of dementia now, and even as her memory slips away, her essence ~ that steady love ~ is still there. She babbled and smiled, telling a story only she understood, and I listened, fully present. She knew. She felt it. We were connected.

And I found myself grieving again ~ not just for her, but for my mum, who passed too soon. My aunt is the closest thread I have left to that part of my life. Holding her hand, caressing her face, I realised I may never again feel this kind of peace ~ the love that radiated from her to me my whole life.

What makes her presence so profound isn't just who she is. It's who I was in her eyes.

From my earliest days, I felt seen by her. No judgment. No demands. No expectations to be different than I was. She was the one who lit up when she saw me. She made me feel like I mattered. Her love taught me something foundational: that I was welcome in the world as I am.

And this kind of connection? You can’t replicate it. You can’t replace it. You carry it in your bones.

When Someone Sees the Real You

Psychologist and author Gabor Maté writes about the tension many children face between two essential needs: attachment and authenticity.

Attachment is our survival drive ~ the need to belong, to be close, to be accepted.

Authenticity is our truth ~ the need to feel, to express, to be ourselves.

In a perfect world, these two align. A child is loved because they are fully themselves. But too often, kids learn (subtly or directly) that love must be earned ~ by being good, by staying quiet, by hiding the messy parts. So they begin to disconnect from their own authenticity in order to preserve the attachment they can’t live without.

But when someone truly sees us ~ and loves us as we are ~ that tension disappears. We learn we don’t have to choose between being ourselves and being loved.

That’s what my aunt gave me. And it's why her presence felt holy.

She was a mirror that reflected back not who I was trying to be, but who I truly was.

Why This Matters Now

In the age of screens and curated lives, we talk a lot about connection, but we’re often starved of presence.

And presence is everything ~ especially for the little ones around us.

When we make time to see a child, not just manage them...When we welcome them with delight instead of correction...When we slow down enough to let them feel felt...We’re wiring something into their nervous system that lasts a lifetime.

We’re telling them:

You are safe here.You are enough.You don’t have to perform for love.

This is how trust is built. This is how a child grows into an adult who can be both authentic and attached ~ not one or the other.

A Final Moment

My aunt may not remember my name. She may not recall the summers we spent together or the way she used to sing to me in the kitchen. But I remember.

I remember the way she sang along to her favourite singer, Domenico Modugno, with joy in her voice and rhythm in her soul. I remember her quiche Lorraine ~ no one ever made it quite like her, and no one ever will. I remember her stories about her life in London back in the late 1960s, told with laughter, pride, and just enough mischief to make you lean in closer.

These weren’t just moments ~ they were threads in the fabric of my becoming.

And even now, her soul still speaks. Even in dementia, she meets my eyes and smiles, and I know ~ she still sees me.

I will always carry that. And if I can offer that same presence to someone else ~ to a child, a friend, anyone who needs to be seen ~ then her love lives on.

If You're Reading This...

Maybe you’ve had someone like my aunt in your life. Or maybe you are that person for someone else.

Don’t underestimate the power of your presence. You don’t need perfect words or polished answers. You just need to show up, look someone in the eyes, and let them know they matter.

Because one steady face that lights up when they walk in the room? That can shape a life.

with Love

Michelle :)