Motherhood’s Journey: From Guiding to Letting Go.

The Evolution of Love in Parenting

Letting Go to Let Them Grow: The Journey of a Learning Mother

The Evolution of Love in Parenting

Motherhood is a journey of constant evolution, filled with moments of deep love, uncertainty, and profound growth. As our children pass through different stages of development, we must also grow alongside them - adapting our parenting styles to foster their independence and self-trust. One of the greatest challenges of parenting is learning to step back and allow our children to build their own internal compasses rather than relying solely on ours.

For many of us, our own internal compass was shaped by our parents. In my case, my mother was not just a guiding presence; she was my source of direction. I ran everything past her - seeking her approval, her wisdom, and her reassurance in my own journey as a mother. When she passed away, I was left feeling lost and afraid, unsure of how to move forward without her voice to guide me. My ways were different from hers, and I had to work hard to uncover my own truths and develop trust in my own feelings. This insight took years of self-work, therapy, and introspection.

Love That Grows With Our Children

Loving our children is not just about providing for them, keeping them safe, or offering guidance - it is also about equipping them with the confidence to trust themselves. In early childhood, love is hands-on and protective; we make choices for them, set boundaries, and offer constant reassurance. As they enter adolescence and adulthood, our role transforms. Love becomes less about directing and more about supporting from a place of trust, allowing them to develop their own sense of self.

This transition is often difficult because it requires letting go. We may fear that without our guidance, they will make mistakes, feel pain, or struggle. But true growth - both for them and for us as parents - comes from allowing them the space to find their own way, while knowing we are still there to support them when needed.

Discovering Our Own Compass as Parents

Just as we want our children to develop their own internal guidance, we must also do the same for ourselves. Many of us grew up looking to our parents for direction, deferring to their wisdom even into adulthood. But as we step into our own roles as parents, we must learn to trust our own instincts and beliefs rather than simply repeating what we were taught or seeking external validation.

For me, this process was deeply uncomfortable at first. Without my mother’s presence, I felt unmoored. But over time, I realised that while her wisdom and strength were always a part of me, I had to define my own approach to parenting - one that aligned with my values, my experiences, and my children's unique needs.

The Gift of Self-Trust

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to trust themselves. This means fostering open communication, encouraging their autonomy, and allowing them to make their own choices - even when those choices differ from what we would have chosen for them. It means teaching them to listen to their emotions, honour their intuition, and believe in their ability to handle life’s challenges.

Letting go isn’t easy, but it is necessary. When we trust ourselves, we teach our children to do the same. And in that trust, both parent and child find the strength to grow, evolve, and embrace the journey ahead.

Michelle Ellison

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